La Gran Vitrina / The Great Vitrine
( A 17th century performative Artoon)
One of the most exciting artist-run art organizations in Latin America is Lugar a Dudas in Cali, Colombia. Founded in 2005 by the Colombian artist Oscar Muñoz, its very title (“Room for Doubt”) is already a great descriptor for the organization’s purpose and spirit: it functions as a meeting point for discussions of experimental art making, serving as an artist residency and event space. Frustrated like many other artists in Cali for the lack of support and spaces for artists available, Muñoz used the funds from a grant in 2003 to purchase a historic house in the barrio Granada of Cali, and in 2005 the Daros foundation gave support for the organization to launch in 2005 . In its early years, Lugar a Dudas organized exhibitions, but soon shifted to emphasize sociability and conversation. The one exhibiting element that remained in the house is a window project, known as La Vitrina, which regularly invites artists to present a work. I also heard that they often took the approach of recreating works by artists that would be impossible to borrow from other parts of the world, such as Duchamp (it is much easier to stick a bycicle wheel on a stool than arranging a loan from MoMA, and the likelihood of any legal action is pretty close to zero). Oscar Muñoz, apart from being an excellent and recognized artist, generous and extremely self-efffacing — something I learned when I tried to bring him to New York to speak on repeated occasions, to which he declined.
Sometime in 2014 I was invited to exhibit a few Artoons in La Vitrina — a line of work that is in many ways very much aligned with the character of this initiative. The organizers also invited me to write a text that would accompany the project. However, I opted to write an artoon in the form of 17th century comedia del siglo de oro, dedicated to Oscar himself. It was a play of sorts (pun intended) using Duchamp’s Grand Verre as a prime reference. As a teenager and as a college student, I was passionate of 17th century Spanish theater and in particular of the comedies of errors of playwrights like Juan Ruiz de Alarcón, the greatest Mexican playwright of the Baroque period, so La Gran Vitrina bears that aesthetic. True to form, Oscar was uncomfortable of the fact that he appeared in the play as one of the characters and wanted me to change it, but he later accepted it and as I understand the play was read just as it is presented here, for the first time since the reading in Cali in 2014, and translated to English for the first time as well.
titles/credits:
LA GRAN VITRINA DESVESTIDA POR SUS MAJAS
The Great Vitrine Undressed by Its Darlings
COMEDIA DEL SIGLO DE ORO
atribuída a Anselmo Jiménez de la Rueda
A Golden Age Comedy
Atributed to Anselmo Jiménez de la Rueda
EXPLICACION
Esta obra maestra del siglo de oro, y posiblemente la más importante después de El Burlador de Sevilla, revela las complejidades sociales en torno a la obra de arte de la época, los conflictos profundos entre las clases sociales, el papel que el deseo juega en la creación de la obra perfecta, y la forma en que el fervor estético puede fácilmente desembocar en fervor sexual.
EXPLANATION
This masterpiece of the Golden Age of Spanish theater, possibly the most importnat after The Trickster of Sevilla, reveals the social complexities around the art of the time, the social conflicts among various social classes, the role that desire plays in the creation of the ideal work, and the way in which aesthetic fervor can easily lead into sexual fervor.
PERSONAJES/ CHARACTERS
DON OSCAR MUñOZ, pintor /painter
DUCHAMPO, su criado / his servant
CONDE SAATCHI de Flandes, coleccionista rival de doña Basel/ a collector, the rival of Doña Basel
DOÑA BASEL, coleccionista principal de Castilla/ leading collector of Castille
DOÑA GAGA, amante del Conde Saatchi / Saatchi’s lover
DON LUCAS, pintor rival de Don Oscar / a rival painter of Don Oscar
VERSION EN ESPAÑOL [scroll down for English version]
PRIMER ACTO- PRIMERA ESCENA
Don Lucas caminando por una calle de noche, se encuentra con el Conde Saatchi.
CONDE SAATCHI
Deteneos. Debo de hablaros a solas.
DON LUCAS
Pero por Dios, ¡El Conde Saatchi es quien veo!
Alabados seáis estos ojos que ven tal figura.
Señor, ¿qué dichosa razón os trae a este feo
pueblo, y en esta calle oscura?
CONDE SAATCHI
Silencio Lucas, no digas mi nombre,
que vengo de incógnito a este continente inmundo.
Tu palabra de hombre has de dar
que a nadie en este mundo
que estoy aquí habrás de divulgar.
DON LUCAS
Contad con ello señor.
¿Venís a comprar obra?
Mucha nueva tengo, que habráis de amar.
Tengo bellas escenas de amor y paisajes de altamar.
CONDE SAATCHI
Don Lucas, bien sabéis que os considero
el peor artista en la historia del universo.
Pero os quiero proponer un negocio terso
que os dará plata y oro duradero.
DON LUCAS
Oídos todo soy, Conde.
CONDE SAATCHI
Hay un cuadro de Don Oscar…
DON LUCAS
¡Mi enemigo jurado!
CONDE SAATCHI
Esperad, que si me podeis ayudar
podréis vengaros de este condenado.
DON LUCAS.
Escucho.
CONDE SAATCHI
Don Oscar ha pintado una obra maestra,
que busca venderla a Doña Basel, mi ex-mujer,
A mí no me quiere vender
por haber seducido a doña Gaga
a quien él, como imbécil, amaba.
DON LUCAS
¿Qué, pues, hacer?
CONDE SAATCHI
Prevenir que esa mujer siniestra
ponga sus manos en esa obra.
Lucas, copiarás esa pintura
a la perfección, y tu basura
reemplazará al cuadro de Don Oscar.
Robaremos su cuadro, acusándolo de plagio,
y venderás su obra a doña Basel como tuya.
Al ser idénticas las obras
ni Don Oscar sabrá que he robado
su otro amor, sin dejarles ni las sobras.
DON LUCAS
Fantástica idea, Conde.
¿pero cómo maniobrar?
CONDE SAATCHI
Esta noche habrás de entrar
a casa de Don Oscar el iluso
y el cuadro habrás de copiar.
DON LUCAS
Con gusto haré de intruso.
[salen]
ESCENA SEGUNDA
En el taller de Don Oscar. Don Oscar se encuentra pintado al lado de su criado, Duchampo.
DON OSCAR
Que más quisiera yo, que estoy tan lerdo,
que esta pintura retratando a Dionisio y Efebo
se viera más que un enorme monte de sebo
que ni siquiera le gustaría a un cerdo.
DUCHAMPO
Señor, considero que esa piña que habéis pintado
está muy bien lograda.
DON OSCAR
¡Calla Duchampo! ¿Que no ves que es una niña?
Te lo digo, esta pintura está condenada.
Doña Basel jamás me comprará nada.
DUCHAMPO
Se me ocurre una idea, señor:
Si exponemos junto a su cuadro, como pertrecho,
uno que yo, sin talento alguno, haya hecho,
el vuestro se verá muy superior,
y la doña el vuestro favorecerá.
DON OSCAR
Me parece muy bien Duchampo.
Intentemos. Doña Basel de desmayará.
[Duchampo pinta un cuadro en un minuto]
DON OSCAR
Vaya que es un adefesio ese cuadro,
Duchampo, ya me siento mejor pintor.
Vamos a descansar, que es tarde,
y mañana nuestra hada madrina
vendra a ver estos cuadros en la vitrina.
[Se van a dormir. Duchampo deja su cuadro encima del de Don Oscar. En silencio Don Lucas entra y copia el cuadro de Duchampo, dejando la copia y llevándose el original]
ACTO SEGUNDO
Al día siguiente en el taller de Don Oscar. Don Oscar y Duchampo entran.
DON OSCAR
Duchampo, esta pintura tuya es aún más fea de lo que era ayer.
DUCHAMPO
Efectivamente señor, no sé cuál podrá ser
la razón de tal deterioro.
DON OSCAR
Pensándolo bien, Duchampo, esconde tu pintura.
No sea que ahuyente a Doña Basel tal locura.
[entra Doña Basel]
DONA BASEL
Don Oscar, vengo a ver vuestro cuadro,
y, de ser bueno, a comprar.
DON OSCAR
Doña Basel, bienvenida,
por supuesto señora, está en la vitrina.
Voy a develarla enseguida.
[entran Don Lucas y Don Saatchi]
DON SAATCHI
¡Detenéos, truhanes!
DON OSCAR
¡Don Saatchi y Don Lucas, me lleva el diablo!
¿Como os atreveis a venir aquí, a mi casa?
¡Largaos de aquí, rufianes!
DON SAATCHI
No tan rápido, Don Oscar, por mis pelucas,
que estoy por enseñar a Doña Basel
que el cuadro que está por dar dineros,
no es sino una copia del de Don Lucas.
DOñA BASEL
¿Es verdad esto, Don Oscar?
DON OSCAR
¡Es total calumnia, os apuesto!
Don Lucas no podría inspirar ni a una mosca.
DON SAATCHI
¡Pues bien, mirad esta obra!
[devela el cuadro original de Duchampo]
DON OSCAR
¡Pero por Dios! ¿Cómo es posible?
DON SAATCHI
¿Lo reconocéis?
DUCHAMPO [ a Don Lucas]
¡Has copiado mi cuadro! ¡Bandido terrible!
DON LUCAS
¿Cómo va a ser tu cuadro Duchampo?
Si tú no sabes pintar.
DUCHAMPO
Posiblemente, pero vos sí que sabéis robar.
Mirad que aquí está el original. [saca la copia de Lucas, pensando que es su original]
DOñA BASEL
¡Pero si es una obra maestra!
DON LUCAS
¡Pero si ese sí es el mío!
DON SAATCHI
¡Don Lucas, cerrad la boca!
DON OSCAR [a Doña Basel]
¿Lo decís en serio?
DONA BASEL
Conceptualmente es de matar.
Ese trazo infantil, esa mancha que provoca…
es patrimonio cultural de la humanidad.
[En eso entra Doña Gaga]
DON OSCAR
¡Doña Gaga del alma mía!
Os juraba perdida, raptada por este truhán,
que ahora mi pintura también me busca robar.
DOñA GAGA
Vengo a develar la verdad, don Oscar.
Anoche escuché a Don Saatchi y a Lucas tramar
que vuestra pintura iban a copiar.
DON OSCAR
Pues no lo han logrado.
DON SAATCHI
Es acusación absurda, Gaga.
Doña GAGA
¡Devela la vitrina Oscar!
DON OSCAR
Lo hago.
[Don Oscar devela la vitrina, que contiene su cuadro original]
DON SAATCHI
¿Pero de quien es ese cuadro?
DON OSCAR
De Don Oscar Muñoz, Saatchi, sin lugar a dudas.
Doña GAGA
Oscar, me habéis dejado muda.
Es una obra maestra que siempre habré de amar.
DON SAATCHI
¿cómo puedes decir eso, amada?
Doña GAGA
No me digais amada, Saatchi, no me jodas.
DOñA BASEL
Un momento, por favor señores,
que me habeís confundido profundamente.
Esta mujer vulgar, al que le gusta el cuadro ese
supuestamente de Don Oscar,
menos no me podría interesar.
Es la obra de Duchampo la que me parece
obra maestra total.
Para mi colección la quisiera comprar.
DUCHAMPO
Honrado me hacéis Doña,
siempre seré artista fiel a vuestra colección.
DON LUCAS
¡Pero si es mi copia la que vendéis como original!
¡Por Cristo que os voy a demandar!
¡Y en cuanto a vos, Don Saatchi,
que me habéis arruinado a ultranza,
he aquí mi venganza!
[saca una daga y mata a Don Saatchi]
DON SAATCHI
¡Muerto soy!
DUCHAMPO
Don Lucas, la demanda que me haréis
la tendréis que hacer en el infierno.
[Duchampo mata a Don Lucas]
DON LUCAS
¡Maldito, muero al hierro!
DOñA BASEL
Duchampo, mi amor,
no solo eres gran artista sino gran vengador,
y eliminador de competencia.
Ven conmigo y seremos de verdad
artista y coleccionista amantes por la eternidad.
DUCHAMPO
Infinitamente feliz seré, mi dama.
DOñA GAGA
Don Oscar, os pido perdón.
Nunca ví vuestro talento y corazón
como los he visto hoy.
Me entrego a vuestras manos tan finas.
DON OSCAR
No podría pedir nada más, Gaga mía,
Dame la mano e iremos a vivir
a mi humilde lugar, sin duda,
y a admirar mis cuadros en vitrina.
TELON
[ENGLISH VERSION]
FIRST ACT- FIRST SCENE
Don Lucas walking down a street at night, meets Count Saatchi.
COUNT SAATCHI
Stop. I must speak to you alone.
DON LUCAS
But by God, Count Saatchi is who I see!
Praise be to these eyes that see such a figure.
Lord, what blessed reason brings you to this ugly
town, and on this dark street?
COUNT SAATCHI
Silence, Lucas, don't say my name,
For I come incognito to this filthy continent.
You have to give your word as a man
than anyone in this world
that I am here you will have to divulge.
DON LUCAS
Count on it, Sir.
Are you coming to buy work?
I have a lot of new pieces that you will love.
I have beautiful love scenes and high seascapes.
COUNT SAATCHI
Don Lucas, you know well that I consider you
the worst artist in the history of the universe.
But I want to propose an attractive deal
who will give you lasting silver and gold.
DON LUCAS
I am all ears, Count.
COUNT SAATCHI
There is a painting of Don Oscar…
DON LUCAS
My sworn enemy!
COUNT SAATCHI
Wait, if you can help me
You can take revenge on this wretched man.
DON LUCAS.
I am listening.
COUNT SAATCHI
Don Oscar has painted a masterpiece,
who is looking to sell it to Doña Basel, my ex-wife,
He doesn't want to sell to me
for having seduced Mrs. Gaga
whom he, like an idiot, loved.
DON LUCAS
What, then, to do?
COUNT SAATCHI
Prevent that sinister woman
put your hands on that work.
Lucas, will you copy that painting
to perfection, and your garbage
It will replace Don Oscar's painting.
We will steal your painting, accusing you of plagiarism,
and you will sell his work to Mrs. Basel as yours.
Since the works are identical
Not even Don Oscar will know that I have stolen
their other love, without leaving them even the leftovers.
DON LUCAS
Fantastic idea, Count.
but how to maneuver?
COUNT SAATCHI
Tonight you will have to enter
to the house of Don Oscar, the deluded
and you will have to copy the painting.
DON LUCAS
I'd be happy to play the intruder.
[exit]
ACT TWO-FIRST SCENE
In Don Oscar's workshop. Don Oscar is painted next to his servant, Duchampo.
DON OSCAR
What more would I wish, since I am so dull,
that this painting portraying Dionysus and Ephebus
looked more than a huge mountain of grease
that not even a pig would please.
DUCHAMPO
Sir, I consider that that pineapple that you have painted
is very well done.
DON OSCAR
Shut up Duchampo! Don't you see that it's a girl?
I'm telling you, this painting is doomed.
Of mine, Mrs. Basel will never anything buy.
DUCHAMPO
I have an idea, Sir:
If we exhibit alongside your painting, a prop,
one that I, without any talent, have made,
yours will look much superior,
and the lady will favor yours.
DON OSCAR
Duchampo, seems very good to me.
Let's try. Doña Basel will faint in sheer dismay.
[Duchampo paints a picture in one minute]
DON OSCAR
Wow, that painting is an eyesore,
Duchampo, I already feel like a better painter.
Let's rest, it's late,
and tomorrow our fairy godmother
will come to see these paintings in the display case.
[They go to sleep. Duchampo leaves his painting on top of that of Don Oscar. In silence Don Lucas enters and copies Duchampo's painting, leaving the copy and taking the original]
ACT TWO- SCENE TWO
The next day in Don Oscar's workshop. Don Oscar and Duchampo enter.
DON OSCAR
Duchampo, this painting of yours is even uglier than it was yesterday.
DUCHAMPO
Indeed sir, I don't know what could be
the reason for such deterioration.
DON OSCAR
On second thought, Duchampo, hide your painting.
Lest such madness scare Doña Basel away.
[Doña Basel enters]
DOÑA BASEL
Don Oscar, I come to see your painting,
and, if it is good, to buy.
DON OSCAR
Doña Basel, welcome,
Of course ma'am, it's in the display case.
I'm going to reveal it right away.
[Don Lucas and Don Saatchi enter]
DON SAATCHI
Stop, scoundrels!
DON OSCAR
Don Saatchi and Don Lucas, like a bat out of hell!
How dare you come here, where I dwell?
Get out of here, you mongrels!
DON SAATCHI
Not so fast, Don Oscar, the sloppy,
What I'm about to show Doña Basel
that the painting that is about to give money,
It is nothing but a fake made by Don Lucas, a copy.
DOÑA BASEL
Is this true, Don Oscar?
DON OSCAR
It's total slander, I swear!
Don Lucas couldn't even a fly inspire.
DON SAATCHI
Well, look at this work!
[reveals Duchampo's original painting]
DON OSCAR
But by God! How is it possible?
DON SAATCHI
Do you recognize it?
DUCHAMPO [to Don Lucas]
You copied my painting! Wretched thief!
DON LUCAS
How could it possibly be your painting, Duchampo?
If you don't even know how to paint.
DUCHAMPO
Possibly, but you really know how to steal.
Look: the original is here. [takes out Lucas's copy, thinking it is his original]
DOÑA BASEL
But it is a masterpiece!
DON LUCAS
But that one actually is mine!
DON SAATCHI
Don Lucas, shut your mouth!
DON OSCAR [to Doña Basel]
Are you serious?
DONATE BASEL
Conceptually it is devastating in passion.
That childish line, that provocative stain...
It is an art historical landmark for civilization.
[Doña Gaga comes in]
DON OSCAR
Lady Gaga of my soul!
I swore you were lost, kidnapped by this scoundrel,
that now my painting he also seeks to steal from me.
DOÑA GAGA
I come to reveal the truth, Don Oscar.
Last night I heard Don Saatchi and Lucas plot
that your painting was going to be copied.
DON OSCAR
Well, they haven't achieved it.
DON SAATCHI
It's an absurd accusation, Gaga.
Mrs. GAGA
Reveal the Oscar showcase!
DON OSCAR
I do it.
[Don Oscar unveils the display case, which contains his original painting]
DON SAATCHI
But whose painting is that?
DON OSCAR
From Don Oscar Muñoz, Saatchi, with no Room for Doubt.
Mrs. GAGA
Oscar, you have left me speechless.
It is a masterpiece that I will always love.
DON SAATCHI
How can you say that, beloved?
Mrs. GAGA
Don't call me beloved, Saatchi, don't fuck with me.
DOÑA BASEL
One moment, please, gentlemen,
that you have confused me deeply.
This vulgar woman, who likes that painting
supposedly from Don Oscar,
At least I couldn't be interested.
It is Duchampo's work that seems to me
A total masterpiece.
For my collection I would like to buy it.
DUCHAMPO
Honored you make me, milady,
I will always be a faithful artist to your collection.
DON LUCAS
But it is my copy that you sell as the original!
For Christ's sake, you I'm going to sue!
And as for you, Don Saatchi, here,
that you have ruined me through and through,
my revenge you’ll fear!
[takes out a dagger and kills Don Saatchi]
DON SAATCHI
I am dead!
DUCHAMPO
Don Lucas, the request that you will make of me
you will have to do it in hell.
[Duchampo kills Don Lucas]
DON LUCAS
Damn, I die by the sword!
DOÑA BASEL
Duchampo, my love,
You are not only a great artist but a great avenger,
and competition survivor.
Come with me and we will be real
artist and collector lovers for eternity.
DUCHAMPO
I will be infinitely happy, milady.
DOÑA GAGA
Don Oscar, I apologize.
I never saw your talent and heart
as I have seen them today.
I surrender to your fine hands.
DON OSCAR
I couldn't ask for anything more, my Gaga,
Give me your hand and we will go live
to my humble place, without a doubt,
and to admire my paintings in the display case.
CURTAIN