The Illegal Immigrant Cat and Dog Cookbook

Unique recipes for every electoral occasion (special edition).

Pet Ceviche (summer dish)

Ingredients:

A kiddie pool in a neighbor’s backyard.

4-5 sleeping cats taken from neighbor’s windows.

4-5 dogs, medium-size and friendly (avoid Pitbulls).

1 bag of Purina for dogs.

10 cans of Fancy Feast paté for cats (assorted flavors).

3 limes

Cooking Instructions:

Capture the cats and dogs. Surreptitiously enter with the pets into the neighbors’ backyard where the kiddie pool is located. Throw the contents of the Purina bag and Fancy Feast onto the pool. As the animals enter the pool to eat the food, squeeze the lime juice from the limes onto the pool, and immediately enter the pool to eat the pets.

Eat cats first, because dogs will be slower to react.

Braised Gatto Scarpariello

Ingredients: a cat, green peppers, spicy Italian sausage, garlic

Cooking instructions:

Steal a cat from your neighbor’s garden. If your neighbor grows peppers, steal four or five of those as well.  Steal 5 pounds of spicy Italian sausage from your local grocer.

Conduct a transgender operation on the cat (to improve flavor).

Roast your stolen peppers and place them onto a frying pan with the chopped sausage, minced garlic and the cat. Add catnip for seasoning.

If the cat refuses to go into the frying pan with the ingredients, use mice instead and share the dish with the cat.

Radical Left Puppy Borscht

1.  Snatch away as many puppies as you can from an older lady’s home with a “Trump/Vance” yard sign.

2.  Go to your nearest used bookstore and purchase a copy of Das Kapital.

3.  Teach your puppies the theory of surplus value and class struggle.

4.  Cook up a puppy socialist revolution.